FAMILY

 

                                                    Image by Freepik

Whenever we hear of a family, what comes into our minds is a beautiful set up of a

father,mother and children. Hearty laughters and joy all over. There could be sad and sorrowful

times but that never comes to the picture and if it does ,it's just a passing cloud.

In our contemporary society, cases of dysfunctional families have become so rampant to the

point where the “Gen Z’s” don't admire having their own. A once happily married couple ends

up having squabbles and heated arguments day in and day out! Neighbors no longer have

peaceful night sleep.Why is this the case? What effect do these dysfunctional families have on

the children? What are some ways that can be put in place to curb the rampant emergence of

these dysfunctional families? These are some of the issues I'll try to shed some light on.

 

One of the issues that leads to families breaking up is the matter pertaining to FINANCES. In

my opinion,when two people come to a consensus of getting into the Union of marriage they

have to discuss how they will pay the bills. This will eliminate issues of confusion and constant

wrangles when it comes to handling the bills. However ,most people don't take this crucial issue

into consideration while others have the notion that the man is supposed to handle each bill

single handedly since he is the provider and that whatever the wife is earning should be for her

own personal use. You will therefore find if the husband is in a bad financial position,the wife will

expect him to pay all the bills and in turn,this will end up being a contentious issue in the house,

wrangles and feuds until the husband takes up his “ manly” duties of providing. This should not

be the case as this particular issue of finances should be discussed and agreement reached

upon on how bills are to be paid.

Moreover the issue of gender equality has placed women almost on the same level as men. I'm

saying almost because we haven't championed fully for the Rights of women. We can all come

to a consensus that Kenya has made significant steps in promoting gender equality and

women's economic empowerment including Protection Against Domestic Violence Act in 2015.

However,there is a ton of work to be done to ensure women have the same legal rights as men

in all areas. This issue was brought up in a workshop hosted by the World Bank group in

conjunction with the Ministry of Public Service,Gender and Affirmative action that encapsulated

women empowerment and gender equality. Clearly times have changed from women taking

care of the children, staying back home and carrying out domestic chores. Today,women are

now acquiring white collar jobs . However , sometimes,they end up working for long hours

making it difficult to balance the family and work life. Most of them opt to hire nannies and home

managers to run duties for them and take care of their kids. In turn,there's a strained

relationship between the two spouses and the strained relationship between the mother and the

children. Since more time is spent working in the office, there's inadequate time for the woman

to bond with the family. There's the aspect of desertion both emotionally and physically. Children

therefore end up being deprived of their mother's time and attention.

Nevertheless, infidelity which is, in fact the ,main reason why families break up . Sometime back

I watched a show and the man in the movie explicitly stated that he can't have or be committed

to one wife / woman because he said that he cannot eat the same type of food everyday. It

 

wouldn't be a surprise to realize that there are so many married people with families who live by

these words. If at all this is the mindset married people are having then definitely we are on the

wrong trajectory and we should expect more broken families. However, there's the issue of

polygamy. It was legalized in Kenya as it is encapsulated in The Marriage Act No.4 of 2014.

Polygamy has some negative effects in the family set up. For instance, conflicts between the

wives in bid to acquire resources which in the long run culminate conflicts. This in turn leads to

lack of trust among the family members. Moreover, children from a polygamous family end up

facing mental health problems such as anxiety and depression nevertheless,women (the wives)

aren't limited to experiencing such mental health disorders.In my opinion if a man decides to

marry more than one wife,the onus is on him to administer fair treatment to both sides and

foster unity amongst them. Unfortunately this is quite impossible hence the negative effects that

polygamy has will continue recurring. I am also opining that the Kenyan Constitution should be

amended to do away with polygamy because of the negative effects that come along with it. A

monogamous marriage is the one that should be advocated for as it attempts to mitigate some

of the negative effects of a polygamous family.

In addition to that, one of the reasons that lead to broken families is alcoholism and substance

abuse. As common as this may sound it is infact one of the main reasons for dysfunctional

families. For instance,if one of the spouses, which in most cases is usually the man of the

house,is an alcoholic, coordination in the house becomes difficult. Communication also

becomes impossible. Duties are neglected and paying bills becomes difficult as most of the

money is squandered in alcohol and drugs . This abuse then escalates to domestic violence

where one of the partners is brutally beaten and in some cases it leads to death , leaving the

children with the irresponsible parent which is quite sad to think about.

These are just but a few of the main reasons that lead to dysfunctional families. Let us now look

at the implications these dysfunctional families have on children.

As illustrated above,it is quite unfortunate that children have to pay for the sins and mistakes of

their parents. Most children from dysfunctional families face mental health issues predominantly

depression and anxiety. It is evident that some have attempted suicide or even succumbed to

suicide .

Children and youth coming from dysfunctional families are usually between a rock and a hard

place.Paint this picture in your mind: out there the world is already chaotic and cumbersome.

School work is on your throat, the frequent arguments and fights are locked up in your mind, oh

goodness,when does it end! The safe haven ,which should be your home,is no longer safe. No

longer peaceful. A burden is now cast on you. Already you can have a rough idea of how life

can be like for a child coming from a dysfunctional family. Therefore most of these children or

rather youth, look for escape routes from this situation. They end up abusing drugs and alcohol

as a way of seeking solace and so that they can distract themselves from what's happening and

as we know prolonged use of alcohol and substances is a health hazard and may lead to

addiction.

 

Nevertheless,these children end up feeling unloved , rejected and lonely. Many a time,if the

marriage between the parents isn't working,these parents tend to be pre occupied with stress

from work and the issues the marriage is facing such that they may end up neglecting or

forgetting their parental duty. That is ,constantly checking up on their children by identifying the

challenges or issues they're facing or at least trying to shield them from what's going on. These

feelings of loneliness and rejection continue to manifest themselves and these children end up

getting suicidal thoughts because they feel unwanted.

To curb this issue, we need to trace back to the roots where all this comes from.It comes from

two people who were initially in love and got married but now they are each other's greatest

enemies. Couples should seek counseling before marriage or whenever they are having issues

so that they can eradicate the problem before it escalates to something serious and affect those

who are and aren't involved.

As I conclude, family should be valued and should serve as a safe haven to whoever belongs to

it. They say that home is where the heart is. Therefore the two parties of the marriage and union

should work in cohesion to uphold a functional family and a healthy environment where the

children can grow and be nurtured.

By Nthenge Beryl Musenya